Just a little background...this is an excerpt from an email conversation some friends and I were having via email. I decided to share this because I feel like this type of conversation needs to happen among a lot more women. Particularly those wondering why they're still single simply because they've got a certain birthday right around the corner and the plan they mapped out when they were 20 isn't coming to fruition or the societal norms seem to escape them at this particular juncture in their lives. Anyway! There is a portion of what you will read below that was not included in the email I sent to my friends because if we're really intuitive and close enough we know precisely what our friends will take in and what they will dismiss as you just rambling on...basically, no body like looking in the mirror with sleep in their eyes...let me clean up a little before I look at the truth.
Sometimes if we are constantly surrounded by the same ol' negative things that remind us of everything that has hurt us or disappointed us or causes us to revisit those things that cause/caused us to "lose" ourselves it gets sour and that's the energy we put out. No one is/should be attracted to that. Hate to get all Oprah but most times it really is as simple as changing our thinking...focus...concentration. I think women spend far too much time looking and waiting for a man to come sweep us off our feet, waiting for him to be "the one"...please! The focus should be on what truly makes us happy and fulfilled (not talking dollars...though that's nice). It's all about energy...what are "we" exuding? People, in general, pick up on energy. Females should do more introspection and self-evaluation before trying to become some Adam's (of any shade of brown, language or creed) rib. I know it's difficult to hear it from a woman who's gotta man (whatever! I have a husband...there's a difference, to me). Nonetheless, it's not any less true. I know girls have a tendency to take on that Juanita Bynum "no more sheets" attitude "saying you got triceps and biceps in yo' bed!" But who better to tell you about where you're trying to be than some one who has been there and remains there. Realistically, none of us can fit into our ORU clothes SO WHAT! It's not really about can I still fit into my size 6. If you can walk passed a mirror, halt your own forward progress and say, "damn, I'd do me" then a man will want you too. They are not as complicated as we make them.
I feel like far too often woman make decisions based on fear. We fear never finding/being loved or never having another opportunity like what we have in front of us, so we stay longer than we know we should. I think we fear loneliness so much that we'd rather live misreably with a warm body than content with ourselves. I've written it before, we sell ourselves (firguratively) for what? Attention? Sex (convincing ourselves that it's real intimacy)? What do we gain, really, from giving our bodies to some guy when we lie there wishing he'd have some real interest in our soul?
Anyway! I hate sounding like a skipping CD but somebody needs to tell the women of the world they are precious and priceless. I don't mind being the voice of the daddy you wished for as a little girl. I don't mind being the hugs you wished mama had the energy to give you when she drug herself in from a long day at work. I don't mind being the echo to the voice in your spirit that is far too easy to ignore. I don't mind telling you to love you first because you exemplify for the world how you should be loved. I don't mind telling you that it is not selfish to think of yourself first. I don't mind loving you for you until you have the courage to do so.
Peace!
*orginally posted 11/21/07
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