You do the math

I have listened to the Jamie Foxx, Ne-Yo and Fabolous remix of "She Got Her Own" plenty of times. Everytime I only half listen to it, wait for the chorus like most (female) people. Until... I heard Fab's words (freshly)

...When I do that math boo...You always try to add to...

I think I had new ears because I had just watched Nights in Rodanthe with Diane Lane and Richard Gere. Diane's character is a woman on the verge of divorce post her spouse's straying. Just before she leaves to fulfill a promise to look after the inn of a long time friend that is out on a Carolina coastal beach her estranged husband announces that he wants to "come back home" when he picks up their kids for a trip to some place kid friendly. The plot moves forward, Gere's character has his own issues and they, predictably, help each other thru said issues. The point...some words that stood out to me to the point where it is now the signature to my outgoing emails.

"It's just something we do. Grow up, marry the person we fall in love with and give up some things. Then, you look at what's left and realize it isn't enough."

SMH...truer words haven't resonated with me in quite some time. It is easy to assume that I will blubber on about the discontent and regretful state of my relationship. Not so. This moment of clarity has less to do with how happy I am. It has more to do with the fact that I have incresingly less room for detractors. Furthemore, I am less inclined to acquiesce to the requisite subtraction from onesself when they decide to marry and have babies and matriculate things. Thirty is getting smaller and smaller in my rearview mirror. *singing* I am changing...channeling J. Hud in Dreamgirls. Truth is I am happy to do so. Evolve. *more singing* Ain't no feeling like being free. The freedom I hunger for is not necessary one that will alleviate me of the presence of my significant other as much as it is the will of self. A measure of liberty that requires selfish fulfillment of passion and dreams and even whims. Affords me a pass to not only be hungry but to also be satified.

A friend of mine shared with me some words her mother told her about marriage. "Men marry women expecting them not to change, but they do. Women marry men expecting them to change, but they never do."

(self) Love